- It should be done between “brothers.” This sets the tone for the conversation. You’re family, which implies that you have an unbreakable bond with each other. No matter what happens in the conversation, your commitment to each other as brothers and sisters in Christ will remain.
- The other person must be “caught in transgression.” The sin must be clear and present, not just assumed and implied. This is particularly true when confronting someone’s underlying motivations, which are extremely hard to discern.
- It should be done by “spiritual” people. This means you need to be operating in the Spirit’s power, not out of anger and frustration.
- The goal should be to “restore” the other person to a healthy relationship with God and to restore unity to the partnership. If your primary goal is to get the other person to stop aggravating you or to get him to conform to your personal preferences, you’re not ready to do this. Go back to condition 2.
- It should be done in a “spirit of gentleness.” A harsh rebuke almost never brings someone closer to Jesus. It only erects walls between his people.
- You must “keep watch on yourself” during the whole process. When the other person reacts defensively and questions your judgment, morality, and right to question him (as he might), you’ll be tempted to respond in pride and arrogance. You’ll want to start using all the ammunition you’ve been storing up in your mind over the years, reminding the other person about all the ways he’s offended you, failed you, and disappointed you. Did you notice all those “you’s”? They have nothing to do with restoring the other person, and therefore no place in your conversation.
- Be ready to “bear one another’s burdens” over the long haul. The process of restoration probably won’t happen overnight. Offer your ongoing love, support, and gentle accountability to your partner. Help him take concrete steps to overcome the sin through God’s Spirit-empowered grace, which is the “law of Christ.”
Sunday, September 21, 2014
7 Conditions for Confrontation
They begin with Galatians 6:1-2: “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any
transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of
gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s
burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” And then they provide seven
conditions for confrontation which apply not only to conflicts between church
leaders, but between all Christians:
Friday, September 19, 2014
Totally Criticized and Completely Forgiven
“Give up your success-and-failure patterns. Seek grace in Christ, humbly and
honestly. Understand that a conviction of sin does not make you neurotic, but
rather it spells the beginning of the end for neurosis. After all, what is a
neurotic? Simply a hurting person who is closed off to criticism in any form and
yet engages in the most intense, destructive self criticism that produces
neither hope nor help.
What a marvelous relief God’s grace in Christ offers. I had been totally criticized, and at the same time I was completely forgiven. As I rested in the work of another, my heart was at peace with God; and for the first time, I felt at peace with myself.
— Rose Marie Miller
What a marvelous relief God’s grace in Christ offers. I had been totally criticized, and at the same time I was completely forgiven. As I rested in the work of another, my heart was at peace with God; and for the first time, I felt at peace with myself.
— Rose Marie Miller
Thursday, September 18, 2014
What Kind of Sinners Feel Welcomed at Your Church
Perhaps the greatest indictment on evangelical churches today is that they
are not generally known as refuge houses for sinners—places where hurting,
wounded, sinful people can run and find love that does not question, an
understanding that does not judge, and an acceptance that knows no
conditions.
To be sure, evangelical churches are usually refuge houses for certain kinds of sinners—the loveless, the self-righteous, those apathetic toward the poor and unconcerned with issues of justice and race, the greedy, the gluttonous, and so on. People guilty of these sins usually feel little discomfort among us. But evangelical churches are not usually safe places for other kinds of sinners—those whose sins, ironically, tend to be much less frequently mentioned in the Bible than the religiously sanctioned sins.
It is rare indeed that a drunkard, drug addict, or prostitute would think of going to church because he or she just needed to feel loved and accepted. These people may go to bars, fellow addicts, drug dealers, or pimps to find refuge and acceptance, but they would not go to a church. In fact, as with the Pharisees in Jesus’ day, the church has generally represented everything people with these kinds of sins want to avoid at all costs. It has most often represented nothing but condemnation for these people. Indeed, churches frequently cultivate a reputation for “cracking down” on sins that fall into their “unsanctioned sin” category. To fail to do this, many have assumed, is to compromise our reputation for being set apart for holiness.
The sins we declare ourselves to be against are invariably selected to not target ourselves. If we were consistent in cracking down equally on all sins, we’d be cracking down on ourselves more than on those outside the church. And if we retained a system of evaluating sin at all, sins such as impatience, unkindness, rudeness, and self-righteousness—all indications that love is absent (1 Cor 13:4-5)—as well as prevalent “church” sins such as gossip, greed, and apathy would rank higher on our list than sins such as homosexuality or heterosexual promiscuity.
Striving for a holy reputation is also self-serving because the whole enterprise is unconsciously designed as a strategy for getting life for ourselves. Though it is mostly unconscious—indeed, though we uniformly deny it—we are feeding ourselves with our devised sin lists. We feel righteous and secure that we are “in” while others are “out” as we compare ourselves favorably with others who don’t measure up (according to our own biased measuring devise).
Above all else, love is that for which the church is called to be known. Sadly, in the name of acquiring for ourselves a reputation of holiness, we have often compromised the one reputation God calls us to have. Jesus was willing to forsake any possibility of having a holy reputation for the sake of loving those who were unholy.
To be sure, Christians are called to be a holy people, set apart by their good works. This is what transforming love looks like as it takes hold of people. But this is not a reputation we should seek to acquire or protect. The one reputation we are called to acquire is identical to the one reality we are called to live in: We are to be, and to be known as, a people who receive and give love in an outrageous, impartial, unconditional way.
- Greg Boyd
To be sure, evangelical churches are usually refuge houses for certain kinds of sinners—the loveless, the self-righteous, those apathetic toward the poor and unconcerned with issues of justice and race, the greedy, the gluttonous, and so on. People guilty of these sins usually feel little discomfort among us. But evangelical churches are not usually safe places for other kinds of sinners—those whose sins, ironically, tend to be much less frequently mentioned in the Bible than the religiously sanctioned sins.
It is rare indeed that a drunkard, drug addict, or prostitute would think of going to church because he or she just needed to feel loved and accepted. These people may go to bars, fellow addicts, drug dealers, or pimps to find refuge and acceptance, but they would not go to a church. In fact, as with the Pharisees in Jesus’ day, the church has generally represented everything people with these kinds of sins want to avoid at all costs. It has most often represented nothing but condemnation for these people. Indeed, churches frequently cultivate a reputation for “cracking down” on sins that fall into their “unsanctioned sin” category. To fail to do this, many have assumed, is to compromise our reputation for being set apart for holiness.
The sins we declare ourselves to be against are invariably selected to not target ourselves. If we were consistent in cracking down equally on all sins, we’d be cracking down on ourselves more than on those outside the church. And if we retained a system of evaluating sin at all, sins such as impatience, unkindness, rudeness, and self-righteousness—all indications that love is absent (1 Cor 13:4-5)—as well as prevalent “church” sins such as gossip, greed, and apathy would rank higher on our list than sins such as homosexuality or heterosexual promiscuity.
Striving for a holy reputation is also self-serving because the whole enterprise is unconsciously designed as a strategy for getting life for ourselves. Though it is mostly unconscious—indeed, though we uniformly deny it—we are feeding ourselves with our devised sin lists. We feel righteous and secure that we are “in” while others are “out” as we compare ourselves favorably with others who don’t measure up (according to our own biased measuring devise).
Above all else, love is that for which the church is called to be known. Sadly, in the name of acquiring for ourselves a reputation of holiness, we have often compromised the one reputation God calls us to have. Jesus was willing to forsake any possibility of having a holy reputation for the sake of loving those who were unholy.
To be sure, Christians are called to be a holy people, set apart by their good works. This is what transforming love looks like as it takes hold of people. But this is not a reputation we should seek to acquire or protect. The one reputation we are called to acquire is identical to the one reality we are called to live in: We are to be, and to be known as, a people who receive and give love in an outrageous, impartial, unconditional way.
- Greg Boyd
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
The Cure for Shame
Shame will be our default position and
the virus in every relationship - unless it is healed. Shame
says, "You are flawed to the marrow, have nothing significant to
offer, hopelessly addicted, and inherently prone to blow it.
The good in you can never outweigh the bad in you. You will
never be enough."
A shame-consciousness will be the Achille's Heal for every leader, organization, and every family and parent-child relationship, unless we find the cure. And there is a cure.
But when we look to the pulpit or Public Television or TED pundits for a cure for shame, it often sounds like one the the following, often reasonable-sounding antidotes:
Acceptance as an antidote to shame:
Self-confidence as an antidote to shame:
Forgiveness as an antidote to shame:
Discipline as an antidote for shame:
Release from guilt as an antidote to shame:
Positive thinking or better self-talk can't handle this.
Yet, as helpful and often true as most of the above antidotes can be, none of these solutions is sufficient to heal the root of shame. Most Christians think that one or more of those antidotes I listed above will do the trick; yet it often feels like we're up against something much bigger than positive thinking or healthy self-talk can handle.
Our best efforts to fend off our critics [whether external or internal] often feel a bit like the leather-tough cowboy who pretends the bullet lodged in his gut doesn't hurt; or the female CEO who tries to casually shake off the brutal criticisms lobbed at her by the Board, while she privately sheds angry tears in the bathroom stall.
We're tired of pretending we're o.k., and though we are reluctant to admit it, pretending only temporarily shoves away the pecking buzzards, knowing the scavengers will always return until the kill is devoured. Pretending we're o.k. doesn't actually heal us.
The cure for shame
The best question to ask is, "What does Jesus think the cure for shame is?" Does Jesus have a way to heal the root system of shame within the human personality, rather than asking us to coax ourselves into positive self-talk or try to act bravely in the face of our critics?
In Jesus' own words, the cure he offers is this: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you." [Ezekiel 36:26] His answer is as astoundingly simple as it is unique. The heart is the root system for a person's relational health. Jesus restores the root system in order to restore the person. The moment you enter friendship with Jesus, the diseased root system is removed: The heart that has driven you into a shame-mindset your whole life is taken away. In its place is emplanted a remarkable, noble and radiant heart - a new root system. Everything you hoped you could be is embedded in that new heart you've been given, waiting to be affirmed and released.
What Jesus might say to set us free:
Jesus might say,
"Let's be truly authentic here, no pretending. There's no need for that. You're safe with Me. No mustering up a sense of worthiness that shields you from the critics; instead, let's take self-defense off the table forever.
When the Devil comes to Me and tries to accuse and slander you to My face, I point him to your new and noble heart. It infuriates the Enemy because self-defense is the only thing he has to teach you.
Your new-hearted nobility is a gift from me, and no one feels compelled to defend something they know is a gift: If you didn't create it, you're not responsible for defending it, right? I defend you so that you don't have to. Your new heart is how I defend you against your critics."
A shame-consciousness will be the Achille's Heal for every leader, organization, and every family and parent-child relationship, unless we find the cure. And there is a cure.
But when we look to the pulpit or Public Television or TED pundits for a cure for shame, it often sounds like one the the following, often reasonable-sounding antidotes:
Acceptance as an antidote to shame:
"I am loved."
"I am accepted."
Self-confidence as an antidote to shame:
"Practice positive self-talk."
"Believe you are worthy."
Forgiveness as an antidote to shame:
"I am forgiven."
"God's grace is greater than my sin."
Discipline as an antidote for shame:
"Step up your prayer life and spiritual disciplines."
"Try harder not to miss group meetings."
Release from guilt as an antidote to shame:
"It's not your fault."
Positive thinking or better self-talk can't handle this.
Yet, as helpful and often true as most of the above antidotes can be, none of these solutions is sufficient to heal the root of shame. Most Christians think that one or more of those antidotes I listed above will do the trick; yet it often feels like we're up against something much bigger than positive thinking or healthy self-talk can handle.
Our best efforts to fend off our critics [whether external or internal] often feel a bit like the leather-tough cowboy who pretends the bullet lodged in his gut doesn't hurt; or the female CEO who tries to casually shake off the brutal criticisms lobbed at her by the Board, while she privately sheds angry tears in the bathroom stall.
We're tired of pretending we're o.k., and though we are reluctant to admit it, pretending only temporarily shoves away the pecking buzzards, knowing the scavengers will always return until the kill is devoured. Pretending we're o.k. doesn't actually heal us.
The cure for shame
The best question to ask is, "What does Jesus think the cure for shame is?" Does Jesus have a way to heal the root system of shame within the human personality, rather than asking us to coax ourselves into positive self-talk or try to act bravely in the face of our critics?
In Jesus' own words, the cure he offers is this: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you." [Ezekiel 36:26] His answer is as astoundingly simple as it is unique. The heart is the root system for a person's relational health. Jesus restores the root system in order to restore the person. The moment you enter friendship with Jesus, the diseased root system is removed: The heart that has driven you into a shame-mindset your whole life is taken away. In its place is emplanted a remarkable, noble and radiant heart - a new root system. Everything you hoped you could be is embedded in that new heart you've been given, waiting to be affirmed and released.
What Jesus might say to set us free:
Jesus might say,
"Let's be truly authentic here, no pretending. There's no need for that. You're safe with Me. No mustering up a sense of worthiness that shields you from the critics; instead, let's take self-defense off the table forever.
When the Devil comes to Me and tries to accuse and slander you to My face, I point him to your new and noble heart. It infuriates the Enemy because self-defense is the only thing he has to teach you.
Your new-hearted nobility is a gift from me, and no one feels compelled to defend something they know is a gift: If you didn't create it, you're not responsible for defending it, right? I defend you so that you don't have to. Your new heart is how I defend you against your critics."
Monday, September 15, 2014
The Distinctive Mark of Jesus Followers
Jesus’ teaching to love our enemies was understandably shocking to his
original audience—just as it is to us today. Jesus expected much, which is why,
after telling his audience to love their enemies he added that if we only love
those who love us and do good those who do good to us, we’re doing nothing more
than what everyone naturally does (Luke 6:32-33). But his followers are to be
set apart by the radically different way of love. The distinct mark of the reign
of God is that God’s people love and do good to people who don’t love
them and don’t treat them well—indeed, to people who hate them,
mistreat them, and even threaten them and their loved ones.
To drive home the importance of this, Jesus says that if we love even our enemies, “then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.” The parallel in Matthew has Jesus saying, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”
Just as God is indiscriminately kind to the ungrateful and the wicked, and just as the Father causes the sun to shine and the rain to fall indiscriminately on the evil and the good, so followers of Jesus are to be distinguished by our ability to love indiscriminately. It makes no difference whether the person is friend or foe. And this, Jesus emphasizes, is the condition for our receiving a Kingdom reward and for our becoming “children of your Father in Heaven.” Our willingness to go against our nature and love and serve enemies rather than resort to violence against them is the telltale sign that we are participants in the Kingdom of God.
Notice that there are no exception clauses found anywhere in the New Testament’s teaching about loving and doing good to enemies. Indeed, Jesus’ emphasis on the indiscriminate nature of love rules out any possible exceptions. The sun doesn’t decide on whom it will and will not shine. The rain doesn’t decide on whom it will and will not fall. So too, Kingdom people are forbidden to decide who will and will not receive the love and good deeds we’re commanded to give.
To drive home the importance of this, Jesus says that if we love even our enemies, “then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.” The parallel in Matthew has Jesus saying, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”
Just as God is indiscriminately kind to the ungrateful and the wicked, and just as the Father causes the sun to shine and the rain to fall indiscriminately on the evil and the good, so followers of Jesus are to be distinguished by our ability to love indiscriminately. It makes no difference whether the person is friend or foe. And this, Jesus emphasizes, is the condition for our receiving a Kingdom reward and for our becoming “children of your Father in Heaven.” Our willingness to go against our nature and love and serve enemies rather than resort to violence against them is the telltale sign that we are participants in the Kingdom of God.
Notice that there are no exception clauses found anywhere in the New Testament’s teaching about loving and doing good to enemies. Indeed, Jesus’ emphasis on the indiscriminate nature of love rules out any possible exceptions. The sun doesn’t decide on whom it will and will not shine. The rain doesn’t decide on whom it will and will not fall. So too, Kingdom people are forbidden to decide who will and will not receive the love and good deeds we’re commanded to give.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Be the Change Now
Ghandi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” It’s a
profoundly Kingdom teaching.
It seems to me, however, that few people adopt Ghandi’s philosophy. It’s far easier to focus our attention on how others should change. It’s far easier to spend our energy assigning blame for the problems of society on others. It’s far easier to try to control the behavior of others by gaining political power over them. This approach keeps the focus off ourselves and helps us feel righteous and wise. If you think about it, all political conflict is premised on the assumption that we who espouse a particular ideal are more moral and/or wiser than those who disagree with us.
“Everybody wants to rule the world,” as the band Tears for Fears sang. Everybody is sure the world would be a better place if only their superior morality and wisdom was the rule of the day. The funny thing is, this is precisely the mindset that keeps the world broken.
While everyone is free to assess social problems and work toward political solutions as they see fit, this is not Jesus’ way of transforming the world. He never so much as commented on the hot political issues of his day. The Jesus way of transforming the world is not by assuming a position of moral or intellectual superiority as we assign blame for society’s woes on others. Rather, it’s by assuming a position of humility and focusing our energy on the log in our own eye rather than the dust particle we think we see in a neighbors eye (Mt. 7:1-3).
From a New Testament perspective, the primary job of Kingdom people is to simply be the change we want to see in the world. More specifically, we’re to simply be the Kingdom we know is coming. We’re to manifest the future in the present; the Kingdom of God in the midst of the kingdom of the world; God’s will “on earth as it is in heaven.” We are to humbly be the first fruits of the coming harvest (I Cor. 15:20). The “first fruit” in ancient Israel referred to fruit that was picked before the rest of the crop. These early pickings were, among other things, considered the guarantee that God would be faithful in bringing forth the rest of the crop.
Whatever will be in heaven, we are to manifest now. Whatever will not be in heaven, we are to rid ourselves of now.
When the Kingdom is fully established in the future, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord (Phi. 2). So, in the power of the Spirit and the love of Jesus Christ, we who are first fruits picked ahead of time are to passionately bow our knee and confess Christ’s Lordship now.
When God’s reign is fully manifested in the future, everyone will get their life, worth, significance and security from God alone and will reflect this fullness of life to one another rather than trying to get it from one another. All idolatry will be abolished. The job of first fruits is to manifest what this looks like now. We are to display the beauty of a life that gets worth, significance and security from God alone and that is thus free from the ugliness of idolatry.
When the Kingdom of God is fully established, all that is inconsistent with the radiantly beautiful character of God will be done away with. So, empowered by the Spirit and the grace of God, we who are the sign of the coming Kingdom are called to seek to eradicate everything inconsistent with God’s character from our life and our world now.
When God’s will is fully established on earth as it is in heaven, there will be no more power structures privileging some people over others: men over women, rich over poor, intelligent over the intellectually challenged, talented over the untalented, whites over blacks, or anything of the sort. So, we who are the first fruits of the coming Kingdom are to manifest the beauty of an equalized humanity now. We are to individually and collectively manifest what it looks like for humans to be completely free from all of the artificial ranking scales fallen humans impose on one another.
When the whole of reality becomes the domain of God’s reign, as it was always intended to be, there will be no more violence, either among humans or among animals. The creation on every level will be restored to the peaceable Kingdom it was always intended to be. We who are called to manifest the future in the present must commit to eradicating all violence from our lives, and from our world, now.
When the beautiful Kingdom is fully established, the defeat of the ugly Powers will be fully manifested. We who are the first fruits of this coming beautiful kingdom are not to simply wait for this final victory: we are, as much as possible, to display now what it looks like for humans to live free from the oppression of the powers. We are to be a people who intentionally swim upstream against any aspect of our society and culture that is not consistent with the will of God as revealed in Jesus Christ.
- Greg Boyd
It seems to me, however, that few people adopt Ghandi’s philosophy. It’s far easier to focus our attention on how others should change. It’s far easier to spend our energy assigning blame for the problems of society on others. It’s far easier to try to control the behavior of others by gaining political power over them. This approach keeps the focus off ourselves and helps us feel righteous and wise. If you think about it, all political conflict is premised on the assumption that we who espouse a particular ideal are more moral and/or wiser than those who disagree with us.
“Everybody wants to rule the world,” as the band Tears for Fears sang. Everybody is sure the world would be a better place if only their superior morality and wisdom was the rule of the day. The funny thing is, this is precisely the mindset that keeps the world broken.
While everyone is free to assess social problems and work toward political solutions as they see fit, this is not Jesus’ way of transforming the world. He never so much as commented on the hot political issues of his day. The Jesus way of transforming the world is not by assuming a position of moral or intellectual superiority as we assign blame for society’s woes on others. Rather, it’s by assuming a position of humility and focusing our energy on the log in our own eye rather than the dust particle we think we see in a neighbors eye (Mt. 7:1-3).
From a New Testament perspective, the primary job of Kingdom people is to simply be the change we want to see in the world. More specifically, we’re to simply be the Kingdom we know is coming. We’re to manifest the future in the present; the Kingdom of God in the midst of the kingdom of the world; God’s will “on earth as it is in heaven.” We are to humbly be the first fruits of the coming harvest (I Cor. 15:20). The “first fruit” in ancient Israel referred to fruit that was picked before the rest of the crop. These early pickings were, among other things, considered the guarantee that God would be faithful in bringing forth the rest of the crop.
Whatever will be in heaven, we are to manifest now. Whatever will not be in heaven, we are to rid ourselves of now.
When the Kingdom is fully established in the future, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord (Phi. 2). So, in the power of the Spirit and the love of Jesus Christ, we who are first fruits picked ahead of time are to passionately bow our knee and confess Christ’s Lordship now.
When God’s reign is fully manifested in the future, everyone will get their life, worth, significance and security from God alone and will reflect this fullness of life to one another rather than trying to get it from one another. All idolatry will be abolished. The job of first fruits is to manifest what this looks like now. We are to display the beauty of a life that gets worth, significance and security from God alone and that is thus free from the ugliness of idolatry.
When the Kingdom of God is fully established, all that is inconsistent with the radiantly beautiful character of God will be done away with. So, empowered by the Spirit and the grace of God, we who are the sign of the coming Kingdom are called to seek to eradicate everything inconsistent with God’s character from our life and our world now.
When God’s will is fully established on earth as it is in heaven, there will be no more power structures privileging some people over others: men over women, rich over poor, intelligent over the intellectually challenged, talented over the untalented, whites over blacks, or anything of the sort. So, we who are the first fruits of the coming Kingdom are to manifest the beauty of an equalized humanity now. We are to individually and collectively manifest what it looks like for humans to be completely free from all of the artificial ranking scales fallen humans impose on one another.
When the whole of reality becomes the domain of God’s reign, as it was always intended to be, there will be no more violence, either among humans or among animals. The creation on every level will be restored to the peaceable Kingdom it was always intended to be. We who are called to manifest the future in the present must commit to eradicating all violence from our lives, and from our world, now.
When the beautiful Kingdom is fully established, the defeat of the ugly Powers will be fully manifested. We who are the first fruits of this coming beautiful kingdom are not to simply wait for this final victory: we are, as much as possible, to display now what it looks like for humans to live free from the oppression of the powers. We are to be a people who intentionally swim upstream against any aspect of our society and culture that is not consistent with the will of God as revealed in Jesus Christ.
- Greg Boyd
Prayer and Providence
“Coming events cast their shadows before them, and when God is about to bless
his people his coming favour casts the shadow of prayer over the church. When he
is about to favour an individual he casts the shadow of hopeful expectation over
his soul. Our prayers, let men laugh at them as they will, and say there is no
power in them, are the indicators of the movement of the wheels of Providence.
Believing supplications are forecasts of the future, He who prayeth in faith is
like the seer of old, he sees that which is to be: his holy expectancy, like a
telescope, brings distant objects near to him." — Charles Spurgeon
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