I Am a Theologian

I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.
—1 Corinthians 2:2
Years ago when my husband started reading John Piper and talking with others about deeper matters of theology, I would mingle in those conversations and throw around the phrase, “I’m not into theology, I just love Jesus!” Yes, laugh with me here, folks.

Though I will never think or care about theology as much as my husband does, I have come to realize that I am, in fact, a theologian. We all are. What we believe about God affects us each and every moment. Let me give you an example from my day recently and see if you agree with me.

We had come off a very busy week. We were gone for three days that weekend, and I was still trying to play catch up. That day had started like any other day. I awoke to loud kids, unfinished schoolwork, and a messy house. It was a battle to know which needed the most attention. I don’t usually feel like I battle discouragement, but that day I had been. These moments tempt me to believe that the messes around me are a reflection of all my glaring weaknesses, and instead of going about my day and getting things done in faith, those moments are cluttered with self-loathing and condemnation. Because of the battles in my heart, I am impatient and short-tempered with the kids.

After much craziness in my heart that morning, as I was waiting for a load of wash to finish spinning, I hung my head on the washer and began to pray. I thanked God for saving me. I thanked him that my righteousness is not based on my works. I mediated on that for a few moments. Nothing that I have done or didn’t do could change my standing before God. Christ has covered me with his blood.
Fireworks didn’t go off. My heart did not go from discouragement to radical joy. But that moment of truth grounded me. It brought peace to my troubled heart. I am free, folks. Free from myself and all of my battles and desires.

Back to the “I am a theologian” thought. What if I didn’t know or understand anything about justification? What if I believed that Christ died for my sins, but my good works somehow gained me extra bits of God’s favor along the way? Imagine the difference that would make when I am discouraged with myself!
A few weeks back, I began reading The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges. There is a chapter about preaching the gospel to yourself. I read this nugget of truth and it too soothed my soul:

“The satisfaction of Christ is more than a theological expression. It is a concept we need to become acquainted with in our daily lives. When our consciences are smiting us because of our sin, it is important to reflect upon the fact that, though our sins are real and inexcusable, nevertheless God’s justice has already been satisfied through the ‘satisfaction of Christ,’ that the penalty has been fully paid by Him.”

As I have wrestled with the truths of the gospel, it has slowly changed me on the inside. I see that what I believe about God affects me on every level. I need to believe that what I know and understand about God truly has the power to change my life, one little moment at a time.