Self Hatred

Life is full of deception and deceivers.  We like to say, “fool me once…shame on you, fool me twice…shame on me.”  And with things we can physically “see,” it is more difficult for someone to fool us twice.

However, we also live in a spiritual world where our enemy, known as the Deceiver, finds it easier to fool us more than once because we can’t see things as easily as we can in the physical world.  Michael gives us great insight into something that brings much defeat in the lives of many Christians…and a beautiful way to begin to get on the road to victory.

Self-hatred

For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen. --Romans 11:36

Is it really self-hatred? Do I really hate myself? No, self is still worshipped through self-hatred. I merely hate the hatred. Self is still the focus and remains alive and well. "I hate myself because I cannot be more Christian and overcome sin." Really? Actually, you love self and are upset that the king of your kingdom is not doing better. Who said self could do better? You are only discouraged in your pride in self. You thought that it could do so much and was going so well, but now it has failed you. You do not really hate self; you hate that self is not stronger. If you hated self, you would accept the death sentence on it, see the thing that you thought was taking you out as actually bringing you in, and boast in your weakness. Because of so great a sacrifice as what Jesus made on the cross, regret is a luxury that a believer does not have. When he has sinned, he can call on the marred Jesus for cleansing and forgiveness, for to continue to wallow in shame and self-loathing is simply pride. Admit where you are to leave where you are. Admit your love of self, that you want it to do better, and that you want glory. At that point you can have a move from God. As He lives Life through you, His peace will fill your days.

As I was reading what Michael wrote, I began to think of how often I have made a comment like, “I hate it that I can’t do …”  Or, “I hate it that I am so …”  Sad thing is that all my “hatred” of those things has not led to a change (victory) over any of them.  But with Michael’s counsel, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

“Self-hatred” has gotten the best of many a Christian…particularly when focusing on being a “better” Christian, or not overcoming sin, or not doing more (for God), etc.  To discover that what we think is “self-hatred” is really not self-hatred, that we merely hate the hatred (and, not self), and that self is still our focus and remains alive and well…WOW!...that brings LIFE (Christ’s life, Truth) to the surface.  Now I can SEE what is really my problem, what needs to be dealt with, and how to start dealing with it!  Amen!

So, Self and Stinking Pride need to be dealt with.  Acknowledging “where I am” is a huge acknowledgement (grounded in humility) that enables me to begin to leave where I have been BY THE GRACE OF GOD.  I have moved to a place where Christ can live His life through me…and His peace will fill my days.  Hallelujah!

- Mike Wells