Forgiveness Again

The proof par excellence of the Christian who has experienced God's unbearable forgiveness and infinite patience is that he is able to be forgiving and patient with others. Whatever other gifts he may possess, this sign given by Jesus stamps his life as being "in the Spirit."

The author Francis MacNutt said, "If the Lord Jesus Christ has washed you in His own blood and forgiven you all your sins, how dare you refuse to forgive yourself?" Self-hatred is a sin. Anything that causes division in the body of Christ is sinful. When I am divided within myself, when I am so preoccupied with my own sins, egocentricity, and moral failures that I cannot hear the anguished cry of others, then I have subtly reestablished self as the center of my focus and concern. Biblically, that is idolatry.

Recently a man approached me in the terminal of the Kansas City International Airport and asked, "Father, may I go to confession?" He began by revealing that he was a priest. Then, broken with grief, he spoke of his twelve-year estrangement from God, his life of drinking, debauchery, hypocrisy, self-hatred. The tears rolled down his cheeks. His confession was heavy, heavy, heavy. Midway through, I reached out and embraced him, crying, "Stop, for God's sake, stop. No more. He sees your heart and understands. All your sins are forgiven. Be at peace and don't sin anymore." With both of us in tears, I asked him to pray Psalm 116 in thanksgiving, gave him absolution, and departed. Sitting on the plane en route to Des Moines, I asked myself, "Brennan, would you do for yourself what you just did for your brother?" Then I heard the words of priest/psychologist Adrian van Kaam as if for the first time: "Gentleness towards my precious, fragile self as called forth uniquely by God constitutes the core of my gentleness with others and is the main condition for my presence to God."

- Brennan Manning